Tuesday, February 27, 2007

Dreaming in Cels

Thanks to a gift from my brother, last night we watched the brilliant film Waking Life. This film is kind of like Slacker, but taken to a new beautiful level. I recognized a few of the locations, including the boat-car, and some of the star cameos. The DVD has lots of great extras too! Nice one.

Wired magazine online has photo coverage of the 2007 New York Comic Convention. Check out the costumes and how Gary Coleman looks pretty dog-tired. He too cleaned up well in an animated version (see him as a kung fu fighting security guard on the Simpsons).

Also from Wired, an interview with Zack Snyder, director of Dawn of the Dead and the forthcoming 300, based on the graphic novel by Frank Miller (Sin City, etc.). The article says that Snyder will be helming Alan Moore and Dave Gibbons' Watchmen, based on one of the greatest modern books around (and I can't wait for Moore and Kevin O'Neill's latest volume of The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen).

Here is a gallery of photos from 300, including comic page-to-screen comparisons of some shots. Looks beautiful and exciting. Finally, I present here a review of 300 (I don't think it will spoil anything) that transcends the boundaries of geek reviewdom into the realm of classic comic literature. From Aint-It-Cool-News:

I just saw a movie that’ll give your eyes boners, make your balls scream and make you poop DVD copies of THE TRANSPORTER. It’s called 300. I don’t know what the title has to do with the movie, but they could’ve called it KITTENS MAKING CANDLES and it’d still rule.

It’s about these 300 Greek dudes who stomp the sugar-coated shit out of like a million other dudes. I have a feeling that a lot of high school sports coaches are going to show this film to their teams before they play. Also, gay dudes and divorced women are going to use screen captures for computer wallpaper.

The movie takes place about a million years ago, and it’s sort of like a prequel to SIN CITY. Except way less guns and cars but twice as much skull splitting. If you watch this movie and go into a Taco Bell, and say to the cashier, “I need some extra sauce packets” guess what? You’re getting twenty sauce packets because your face will punch him in the brain.

I can’t spoil the plot because THANK GOD THERE ISN’T ONE. Just ass kicking that kicks ass that, while said ass is getting kicked, is kicking yet more ass that’s hitting someone’s balls with a hammer made of ice but the ice is frozen whiskey.



Who gives a shit if the music isn’t historically correct? LORD OF THE RINGS could’ve used some Journey. This movie has that chu-CHUNG kind of metal that you hear in your head when your shift supervisor at Wetzel’s Pretzel is telling you that you’ll have to stay for clean up and you wish you had a sock filled with quarters in your hand.


Basically, the Greek dudes are fighting these Persian dudes, but the director, who must have a dick made of three machine guns, does it all like a video game. The Greeks fight every death metal video from the last ten years. There’s wave after wave of giants, freaks, ninjas, mutants, wizards, and a hunchback who looks like he’s got Rosie O’Donnell on his back.

Would I have been happy if Dom DeLuise from HISTORY OF THE WORLD, PART I had shown up? Maybe, but this movie more than makes up for that glaring oversight.


These are Greek times, when there were a lot of naked women around. And there are some naked women in this film, but almost every naked woman scene has a muscular dude giving the screen an ass picnic. Dude-ity is something directors put in their movies so people will think they’re serious, I guess, and not just throwing in naked hotties.

Any directors reading this – IT’S OKAY TO JUST THROW IN NAKED HOTTIES.

Can’t someone make a movie about naked Amazons and call it PAUSE BUTTON?

My final analysis is 300 the most ass-ruling movie I’ve seen this year, and will probably be the King of 2007 unless someone makes a movie where a pair of sentient boobs fights a werewolf.

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At 11:41 AM, Anonymous swz said...

waking life was cool if not a little spooky but the reveiw?! I wonder what would happen if 'dude' was removed from the english language?!

At 1:44 PM, Blogger dan2beer7 said...

If "dude" was removed from the English language? That's not too cool, bro. In The Big Lebowski, did "the guy abide?" No, he was the DUDE. Surfers and cowboys would have nothing to say. I could go see my homie, and gay boys might still enjoy the "ass picnic" in the movies, but it wouldn't be the same. El Dudarino, out.

At 10:53 PM, Blogger Reel Fanatic said...

The 300 is just gonna kick royal ass .. nuff said


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